Blog for your life

Dear readers, allow me to invite both of you over to a new blog of mine, CriticalFitness. I've wanted to put that together for some time, and have decided to take the plunge. Hope you enjoy it!

Another modest proposal: sleep your way to the top!

How many times have you heard about the problems surrounding work before you realize something has to change? It's not easy finding a job you love, let alone a career you love. Considering you spend one-third of your life at work, you'd better find something you can be happy doing, right? Trouble is, not everybody can find a job: Barack Obama has gotten a lot of mileage out of the fact that unemployment in America is at a five-year high.

And how many times do you have to be reminded that you're tired all the time before you do something about it? It's disturbing, all the numerous reports about how we are overworked and overstressed, yet we aren't getting enough sleep. We're supposed to spend one-third of our lives in bed, and we can't. Any why not? Because of our jobs.

Now business thrives on efficiency. If somebody can find a way to get two things done at once, all they have to do is patent the idea and live off the royalties. One guy has actually designed a treadmill desk so you can walk the whole day while making calls, checking email, etc. And you could lose 57 pounds in a year - with no gym fees! Now that's what I call using your noggin!

OK, here's my bright idea: make sleeping your job. That's right, make money in bed, and without prostituting yourself. How many jobs can you say that about?

Think about it. By combining the two tasks, 16 hours can be whittled down to a mere eight; that's a time savings of 50%! You are then free to do other things, the things you really want to do. The treadmill desk would become obsolete. People would get the sleep they so badly need, and they'd get paid to do it. Oh, and did I mention the flexible hours?

I know a lot of people would be willing to put in overtime. Working on the weekends would be encouraged; the only ones wouldn't are most likely those party animals - and let's face it, they wouldn't want to work weekends. They call it living, I call it shiftless.

Sleeping on the job could get you promoted, not fired. Speaking of getting fired, the unemployment problem would drop to practically zero. Every applicant would be seriously considered - "We are an equal opportunity employer." Imagine the possibilities!

I'm not sure what the pay scale would be, but most probably on the basis of experience and merit. Let's face it: some people just sleep better than others. Would you want to pay someone the same for doing a worse job? Not me. Real Americans have no truck with those socialist practices. If employees don't learn to increase the quality of their output, they shouldn't be rewarded for it.

I have no doubt that everybody would benefit from this plan - and society would be a better place. The crime rate would surely go down. Since everyone gets enough sleep and has a steady job, crime would lose its profit incentive. Legalize it, don't criticize it!

Of course kids and retired folks wouldn't be barred from sleeping; they just wouldn't get paid for it. Child labor laws prohibit the hiring of minors, and senior citizens, well, they can do whatever they please after retirement. Right? So it's just economically unfeasible to keep people working past retirement age. Besides, it's just common sense that older folks don't work as long as younger folks do - but then they need less sleep, so hey, it checks out.

I know what you're thinking: "But Wordverter, who's gonna keep the shops open? who's gonna fix the pipes? who's gonna grow the food, and build the buildings?" The answer, my friend, is...not what you're thinking. No, we're not going to pay anyone for those things. You get paid to do your job; what you do on your own time is your thing. Folks can work it out among themselves who does what - if kids can do that on the playground, why can't adults? You've got 16 hours of down time, you've got a good head on you; so use it! C'mon, you're big boys and girls.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some serious work to do. Do not disturb.

(Image cagily kiped from www.mooqi.com/. Sorry for not getting the full address, my browser's not working the way it ought to. Wait a minute - it is!)